Josh First's Blog

Don’t eat yellow snow, don’t drink green beer

Don’t eat the yellow snow, and don’t drink the green beer used to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day today. But you should definitely enjoy a stout brown Guinness, preferably chilled. A Guinness beer is like a full meal in a bottle, but in my experience, it only goes down cold. People who drink warm beer of any sort, especially heavy, rich beers like Guinness, are not human, but are rather mostly goat. Goats can eat pretty much anything. Gag me with a warm Guinness!

Yellow snow needs no explanation. OK, for those who do not get outside in the winter, yellow snow is where someone or some dog or animal went pee. You do not want to eat that, or play with it, because it is gross. OK? Don’t eat that yellow snow!

Green beer? Who the heck came up with this weird idea? Chemical food dyes do not belong in our bodies, and especially not in our sacred beers. Beer at any time of the year is too special to adulterate with green dye. Natural ingredients only in our beers, please. Someone please call Health Secretary RFK Jr and get him to sort this out.

Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day with a pure heart and a pure, healthy diet.

This guy ate yellow snow and drank green beer, and look at what that did to him