Josh First's Blog

Advice for young men

Following a lot of recent discussions about the generally sorry state of America’s young people, it is necessary for this elder to chime in. Go ahead and say it: “OK Boomer,” it just proves the point here.

Because I am a man, and grew up in a time when Americans knew who they were and what a woman was, and what a man was not, this advice is aimed at America’s young men. If you think you are young, then this is for you. And if you are starting over a little later in your life, then these thoughts might also be for you.

First, be a gentleman in all ways, and dress like one, if you can. Be articulate, thoughtful, reflective, a listener, and respectful, even of people or opinions you do not yet understand or with which you disagree. This will set you up for receiving the same, which we all enjoy. Dressing nicely will really make you stand out, and be received well.

Second, be chivalrous at every opportunity. Men my age were taught to open doors for women, which made women feel special and made men feel better than average. Today I open doors for women, and men, every opportunity possible. Sadly, many older women evince surprise at this kind act, and I always say “If I did not hold this door open for you, my mother will jump out from behind that bush over there and she will kick my ass.”

The older women know exactly what I am talking about, and smile, or laugh, because they remember. They enjoy being treated nicely and because discipline was once an important part of child rearing and creating a healthy, well adjusted, functioning adult. Some women will even laugh or confirm my fear that Mom is indeed right over there, just waiting for me to screw up. Fear of Mom is not always a bad thing. It built functioning human civilizations for thousands of years until recently, when moms decided they had to be their children’s best friends, or worse, their enablers.

Third, learn how to fight. Fist fighting was a way of life when and where I grew up, and almost all of the boys I had fist fights with ended up becoming close friends. We ended up hunting, fishing, camping out together, riding dirt bikes, etc. Some of us are still in touch. It shaped us, it did not ruin us, though some kids liked fighing too much, and they ended up being the older guy you know who goes to jail.

A lot of those youthful fights were more a test of a guy’s measure than an act of hostility. Guys sizing each other up. Today, hostility is in the air, and danger lurks around every suburban street corner, because crime goes unpunished and the wheels of our society are falling off. A man worth being called an American should know how to at least defend himself, if not make an attacker regret his choice.

Recently at a wedding, I encountered a young man whose last appearance in my life was as a scrawny, nerdy, bookish, bespectacled, sweet natured teenager. Today, he is a fine, confident, and muscular specimen of a young American man, complete with a concealed carry pistol and weekly boxing lessons. No designated victim he, unlike so many American men.

You do not need to be a black belt in anything, some of which are actually a liability and not an asset (overconfidence kills the cat); you just need to know when to run away, which is almost always, and lacking the possibility of retreat, how to make a good showing for yourself and your future health. Boxing and various other forms of fighting can be learned almost everywhere across America.

Simple lessons teach the basics of stance, timing, blocking, parrying, and striking. Eons ago, I tried a few styles of Karate, and settled on the old version of Tang Soo Do, Korean street fighting. That was replete with throat rips, eye gouges, and finger breaking. Today, such training is considered a legal liability, and Tang Soo Do is no different than the version of the point system Thai Quan Do taught in most dojos.

Whatever fighting style or practice you learn is good. Again, learning to defend one’s self is not about becoming the bully of your block or being a nationally recognized expert in arm locks and spinning back kicks, or ripping your shirt off at parties and demonstrating your moves. You are not taking classes in self defense so you can do somersaults that end in hand choppng pine boards. Rather, every American man should have enough confidence and will power to stand toe to toe with an assailant, if the need arises. This is the American spirit.

A man’s spirit.

TBC