Josh First's Blog

Bomb shelter inequity and other Monty Python skits

Today, while texting with someone I love and do not really know, despite our many years of acquaintence, this odd exchange occurred:

Me: “Here is someone in a bomb shelter, in his work clothes on a sunny afternoon, watching the rockets fly overhead.”

Alice in Wonderland: “Those who haven’t a bomb shelter would happily trade places. ;-)”

Turns out, Monty Python has bomb shelter envy because of his bomb shelter inequity. Monty Python picked a fight by dropping bombs on his neighbor, got bombed back, and then cried foul because he lacks a bomb shelter in which to hide from the bombs he invited in response to his own bombs.

Picking fights with the neighboring country, bombing its citizens day after day after day, immediately turns to victimhood the moment that the neighboring country fights back.

You following the illogic here?

The perpetrators are actually the victims, and the true victims are actually entitled richy-rich fancy-pants because they have bomb shelters in which to take cover from their neighbors’ bombs. There is a bomb shelter inequity here, and it is really so damned sad and unfair. There should be proportional bomb shelters, apparently, in addition to proportional bombs. Can’t respond with too many bombs, because that is also inequitable.

How about this for an inequity: There are 2.5 billion Monty Pythons bombing about ten million officially designated victims. This wildly disproportionate attacker-to-victim ratio is so wildly out of kilter, so blatantly unfair; and yet, to some very strange twist of logic and inversion of values, we have ended up with bomb shelter inequity.

Why, the brazen survivial of those officially designated victims! How dare you!

Monty Python could make one hell of a loony tunes skit about this bomb shelter inequity situation, except that the real Monty Python guys also went down this same rabbit hole. Nothing funny remains, just crazy people with too many bombs and a handful of survivors running for their lives in ever shrinking amounts of real estate.

Only the sadists rejoice.

Go ahead and laugh, sadists of the world, because Alice and Monty Python are coming for you, next. Grinning clowns with butcher knives. It is hysterically funny.